Like so many of us, I have a deep need to be in control. As a single mom, I’ve had to make all the decisions not only for myself but for my household. I’m also a leader at work, so when I add up all of these responsibilities, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all of the decisions that must be made on a daily basis. From very early on, the need to feel like I’m in control of my life was born from an unstable home life, producing traumatic events which created fear and feelings of helplessness. I was raised by a single mom who struggled with mental illness, and we moved around a lot when I was very little. So it was difficult when, just as I was getting used to living in one place or adjusting to a new school, we moved again. One night when I was about 7 or 8 years old, my mother packed a few of our things into two trunks and she, my two sisters and I boarded a Greyhound bus from Detroit to Los Angeles. I was confused, afraid, and had no idea where we were going.
As I got older and discovered things I could do to feel a sense of control in my life, it helped to assuage the deep fear of something ominous happening where I couldn’t control the outcome. I learned to develop ways to have a Plan B, even Plan C and D just in case the original plan didn’t work out. This mindset and practice served me very well over the years.
It’s also why I love GPS. Not only will you know how to get where you’re going in step-by-step instructions, but if you miss your turning point the system will instantly reroute you to get you back on the right path and lead you to your intended destination. It will even redirect you real-time if it detects traffic delays or road closures . For me, the added bonus is it tells you when you will get to your destination. GPS is perfect for someone like me who needs to be in control and know where they’re going, how to get there, and when they will arrive.
When I made the decision to follow Jesus years ago, I didn’t realize that it would require me let go of controlling my life. I knew I had to do it on some levels – levels where it wasn’t much of a stretch for me to do it. Areas where it wasn’t a huge ask. However, God is taking me deeper in Him, and He’s showing me that this really is a huge ask, and it’s necessary if I want to become the highest version of myself, have the abundant life that He promised, and accomplish the works He created for me to do.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Letting go requires something extremely difficult for many, if not most people – TRUST. In order for me to let go, I first have to be able to trust that I won’t be disappointed, misused, led in the wrong direction, mistreated, or taken advantage of. If you’ve ever participated in the exercise of a Trust Fall, you know what I mean. You literally stand with your back to whomever is behind you, cross your arms and lean backwards, falling (hopefully) into the arms of the person or people right behind you. For me this exercise can be filled with anxiety, because it’s hard to trust that I won’t fall to the ground and get hurt.
What God has been allowing me to experience lately are spiritual trust falls. Through these sometimes challenging moments, I’m receiving revelation of wonderful aspects of who He is. These moments have turned out to be blessings that have brought so much healing for me. To learn, understand, and know God as a loving Father who protects, provides, guides, heals, frees me and gives me His peace even in the most difficult circumstances, has been an anchor to my soul. Through my experiences, God has shown me His faithfulness in always keeping me and ultimately working out every situation for my good. Because of His demonstrated and consistent track record, God has shown me He is reliable, and I can completely trust Him with my life.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. (Psalm 32:8)
This has been one of my go-to scriptures for many years. In my process of learning to let go and be led by God, I’m going from believing to a place of deep knowing that God is omniscient, which means He’s all-knowing. David said this about God in Psalm 139:16 “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed”. Recognizing that every aspect of my life has already been pre-destined by God is powerful to me. It doesn’t mean that God hasn’t given us free will to make choices – He has. The thing is, only He knows in advance the choices we will make and their outcomes. And He has already factored in His divine plan the missteps I’ll have and because of His providence, He already created ways to reroute me and get me back on the path I need to be on.
Something else I’ve come to learn is the reality that ‘control’ is an illusion. When we ask Jesus Christ to come into our hearts and become Lord of our lives, at that moment, we release control to run our lives our own way. We SURRENDER to God our way of doing things for seeking His way of righteousness. We let go of solely making our own plans and seek God’s plans for our lives. Thankfully, God reassures us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He know the plans He has for us; they are plans to prosper us and not harm us; plans to give us a future and a hope. Knowing God as a loving Father, I can trust that His plans are so much better than what I could ever imagine.
The ongoing (and daily) process of letting go not only requires me to trust God and surrender, but I’ve also been taken to a deeper place of DIVINE EXCHANGE. My quiet time with God is my special secret place. It’s where I study His word, worship Him, and pray. It’s where I experience beautiful and glorious moments where I release all of my negative stuff (limiting beliefs, fear, anxieties) to God. It’s where all of the ‘anti-me’ things are cleared out and I receive the fullness of God’s goodness and love for me. It’s where I tell God that I trust Him deeply and completely with my life, and I receive HIM. By receiving God is to receive all that He is, and all that He has for me. Psalm 119:68 says God is good and does good. Knowing this through experience has healed my heart, and given me the gift of letting go so God can lead me.
Heavenly Father, thank You for who You are. You know the end from the beginning, so I rest in the comfort of knowing nothing catches You by surprise, and that Your plans for me are good. I thank You that Your goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. Thank You for lovingly teaching me that I can trust You to lead me and guide me every day. In Jesus’ name. Amen
